Winter
2nd July 2025

‘Stay with me on this and see where it goes’,

Well this is where it goes,
a world of depression and despondency,
of pain and heartache.

Enlighten me,
as people and love are your world,
where numbers and nature have been mine,
and I don’t understand,
except that it hurts,
viscerally,
and that the pain and loss that is now everywhere,
seems without end.

…And the block that has caused all of this,
that impossible hurdle which we could not cross,
it was there all along.

…and perhaps selfishly or naively I feel, not something within my control.

At every turn I have made the wrong call,
chosen the wrong path, said the wrong thing,
and despite this we have talked, and recovered,
and this thing between us has grown deeper and stronger as a result,
to the exclusion of most else in my world.

And now it seems there is no way forward,
as we are not in disagreement,
…on this point we share a view of what can, and can’t, or should not, be.

I feel cheated,
but know I am not without fault again,
I thought I could exist in part,
and I think I could have should my feelings for you not have run so deep,
or if there was some future there that I could foresee,
but I have discovered the blindingly obvious,
that was always there,
and realised, …that this is not the case.

And for what it is worth,

…I am sorry for us both.

Winter Trees
Putney Common, UK,